jokes

What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?

December 27, 2014 by Deceth Leave a Comment

A programmer and a software engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from San Jose to Bangalore. The programmer leans over to the software engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The software engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and great fun. He explains “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $10. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $10.”. Again, the software engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The programmer, now some what agitated, says, “OK, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $10, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $100!” This catches the software engineer’s attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The programmer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The software engineer doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a ten dollar bill and hands it to the programmer. Now, it’s the software engineer’s turn. He asks the programmer “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?”

The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the software engineer and hands him $100. The software engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the software engineer and asks “Well, so what’s the answer?”

Without a word, the software engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $10, and turns away to get back to sleep.

Thank you John McCormick for this one!

The Oldest Profession in the World

July 22, 2013 by Deceth Leave a Comment

A doctor, a civil engineer, and a software engineer were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The doctor remarked “Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world.”

The civil engineer interrupted and said “But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession in the world.”

The software engineer leaned back in his chair, smiled, and said confidently, “Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?

Thank you MC Leong for this one!

People for the Ethical Treatment of Software (PETS)

July 20, 2013 by Deceth Leave a Comment

NEW YORK – People for the Ethical Treatment of Software (PETS) announced today that more software companies have been added to the groups “watch list” of companies that regularly practice software testing.

“There is no need for software to be mistreated in this way so that companies like these can market new products,” said Ken Granola, a spokesman for PETS. “Alternative methods of testing these products are available.”

According to PETS, these companies force software to undergo lengthy and arduous test – often without rest – for hours or days at a time. Employees are assigned to “break” the software by any means necessary and inside sources report that they often joke about “torturing” the software.

“It’s no joke,” Granola said. “Innocent programs, from the day they are compiled, are cooped up in tiny rooms and ‘crashed’ for hours on end. They spend their whole lives on dirty, ill-maintained computers, and they are unceremoniously deleted when they’re not needed anymore.”

Granola said that the software is kept in unsanitary conditions and is infested with bugs.

“We know alternatives to this horror exist,” he said, citing industry giant Microsoft Corp. as a company that has become successful without resorting to software testing.

Thank you John McCormick for this one!

Stuck on a Mountain with No Brakes

July 16, 2013 by Deceth Leave a Comment

A software engineer, a hardware engineer and a department manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside.

The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

“I know”, said the department manager, “let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.”

“No, no”, said the hardware engineer, “that will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it and we can be on our way.”

“Well”, said the software engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.”

Thank you John McCormick for this one!

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